


Withered

by theresnomeaning



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 04:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5320904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresnomeaning/pseuds/theresnomeaning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily was too late, and everything was already withered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Withered

You look at her and see something you've wanted to see in her eyes long ago. Now, however, you don't actually yearn for that any more. She stares at your arm, and you know that she must wonder if there is a Dark Mark under the fabric of your shirt.

Of course there is.

"Tea? Coffee?"

"Coffee, please."

You pour two cups of coffee. One has no sugar; yours. You hand her the overly sweet mug of coffee—just as she likes, if you recall it correctly.

"So, why are you here, Lily?"

"I came to apologize. I should never have shunned you like I did. What you did was wrong, of course, but so was my attitude at the time."

You want to laugh, but do not do so. She squirms a little under your gaze and you know that she must wonder if she, perhaps, is too late.

Of course she is.

"I see."

She is chilled by your response and you know that the situation is not playing as she predicted.

"Why now? You've had plenty of time to say this to me while we were still at Hogwarts."

She opens her mouth and then closes it. You know the answer to the question, and just ask it to make her uncomfortable. She knows that you know.

"I guess I've matured during these last months." Yes, you could say that marrying James Potter is maturing. "And given the situation of our world... I just don't want us to be on bad terms just in case, you know?"

How noble, although pessimistic for a Gryffindor.

"Apology accepted."

She stares at you, no doubt expecting for you to just act as though your friendship is still the same, as though there is still a friendship at all.

The Dark Mark burns in your skin and before you notice it, your hand is gripping your arm. She notices the movement and takes a deep breath.

"Severus?"

Her voice is strangled and pained and it almost makes you feel guilty for what you are going to do, but then you remember the past...

"You joined him!"

You shrug, not really interested in hiding anything—in some minutes it won't matter anyway.

"You know what he and his followers do, Severus!" she cries, angry, furious like a lioness. "How could you? You know that they wanted that people like me did not exist! I don't know why I bothered to—"

"And you knew what James Potter and his little gang did to me!" You shout and she backs away a little. "It didn't stop you from forgiving his sins way more quickly than you forgave my slip of tongue." You pull your sleeve up and show her the dark, ugly looking tattoo on you arm. "But do not be arrogant enough to think that I did this just to get some revenge on you. You could have mattered on my decision, yes, but you weren't there to matter."

And even if she was, sometimes you wonder if your decision would have been different. You need to let her go, or she will haunt you forever. You may have loved her, yes, but you tired of being put in second place. Unrequited affection hurts.

It should be sad for her that you've become a Death Eater, but you can see by the way she's looking at you now that she's only disgusted. And afraid.

Still, something holds you back from hurting her, really hurting. Not bad enough among the evil, but too tainted to be with the saints.

"I should have listened to what people told me about you." she says venomously.

"I could say the same."

She looks outraged. You are not idiot enough to compare being a muggleborn with being a Death Eater like she thinks you are doing; however, it's not what you both are the question here (and you were not serving the Dark Lord since people started to warn her about you, of course), but what your friendship costed to you two. Only that you weren't her only friend, and you _know_ that she _cannot_ understand your situation.

"But you are right, Lily, you should never have been my friend."

It would make your situation easier, no doubts.

"Are you going now?" you ask neutrally. "I have somewhere I need to be." you add, this time letting sarcasm drip in your voice, praying that she won't do anything stupid.

"I'm calling the aurors." what were you thinking? Of course Gryffindors act stupidly. Always.

"You don't a tell a Death Eater that you're calling the aurors, Lily. You curse them." she stares at you, blinking, and then you raise your wand and quickly cast the _Obliviate_.

You erase this whole encounter. Perhaps she will come back, and the next time you can act differently and have her begging your forgiveness if you appeal enough to her nobility.

It will never be enough, though.


End file.
